“We must abide by the ancient traditions of Konohagakure,” Sarutobi said gravely, his eyes scanning the picture profiles of the new genin class, alongside their jounin mentors. “Each team must have an annoying one, a moody one, and a girl.”
“Do not forget,” Asuma spoke up, “If I may— the annoying one and the moody one must have sexual tension.”
“Do not worry, Asuma-sensei. The ancient tradition of sexual tension is safe with me.” His hand glossed over the polaroid photographs, settling on a bright blond-haired boy in orange. “Ah. Naruto.”
“Definitely the annoying one,” someone muttered.
“Yes, yes, of course. But,” the Hokage’s dark eyes scanned the room, “Who could possibly be moody and broody enough to counterbalance his exuberance while still providing sexual tension?”
“May I recommend Uchiha Sasuke?” Kakashi spoke somberly, his voice thick behind his mask. “He has the death of an entire clan on his shoulders — surely that makes him angsty enough.”
The Hokage shook his head. “Not enough sexual tension… and too much potential for a clash that sets him off and makes him run away to join Orochimaru and become public enemy #1 while derailing the entire future of Konoha.”
Kurenai raised her hand, tentative. “What about Panda Andrew?”
“Panda Andrew?” Asuma scoffed. “Is he even in the graduating class? Such a recent immigrant from Texasgakure…”
Sarutobi held up a hand to silence him. “No, Kurenai has a point. Andrew is young, but he has demonstrated immense talent with water-based moves. He is new to Konoha, this is true, but perhaps he is dark and broody enough to counterbalance Naruto.”
“What about the sexual tension, though?” Anko questioned, twirling a throwing star round her thumb. “I just don’t see those two hitting it off. And doesn’t Andrew have a thing for swordsmen?”
The assembled jounin mumbled in agreement.
“I don’t know. I think it could work.” Sarutobi smiled, as if to himself, “Besides, they will be even more dysfunctional once we add Sakura to the group.”
The mumbles of agreement turned quickly to moans.
“Maaa…” Kakashi interrupted lazily, “…Are you still expecting me to take this shitshow of a team?”
The Hokage nodded, his eyes firm. “Who else but you, Kakashi? Only you can mentor the son of your mentor, a Texasgakure child with ghosts like your own, and the most irritating girl on the planet. This is your destiny.”
“NO, KAKASHI’S DESTINY IS TO LOSE TO ME IN ROCK PAPER SCISSORS SO I WILL BE EVER VICTORIOUS!!”
“Shut up Gai.”
“…Anyways.” The Hokage took the three pictures, stacked them together and handed them to Kakashi. “It is decided. This is Team 7. Now, what to do about Neji and Lee…”
TO BE CONTINUED???